Zoo patrons who flocked to the zoo to see the unveiling of the Snow Leopard Pass and Colobus Crossing exhibit were first to hear of a new expansion announced for Spring of 2020, The Bigfoot Blur.
The first-of-its-kind exhibition will be located on the far side of the newly installed sinkhole, with no obvious trail way and an only vaguely suggested location on all zoo maps. As explained by Zoo Director John Walczak, “This will help simulate the actual experience of searching for the creature in the wild.”
Once found, the outdoor enclosure, which covers about 500 acres of heavily wooded and hilly terrain, will be viewable only through a filthy glass viewing window. “Visitors can sit and wait for hours, maybe even days and never catch a glimpse of our large footed friend, just as nature intended.”
Sasquatch Talks will be held daily and hosted by the Zoo’s oldest and most grizzled employees, dubbed Bigfoot Spotters. The talks won’t be so much educational but more an insistence that guests are definitely not wasting their time and that he’s totally in there.
“Oh, he’s in there,” said one Spotter on hand for the announcement, in between sips from a flask. “I done seen’em!”
When asked the dietary needs of the rarely seen animal the Spotters present offered conflicting details ranging from purely vegetarian to straight carnivorous. There were also mixed messages on the danger level presented to any person who would come across a bigfoot in the wild.
“Oh he’d be more scared of you then you would be of him. He wouldn’t hurt a fly,” said one Spotter, though was immediately countered by a colleague, “Everyone who comes across this devil monster is eatin' on the spot! S'why there’s so few sightings, no one left to tell the tale!”
When asked if releasing the creature into the habitat would be a public event zoo leadership declined to give a definitive answer. The visibly nervous Walczak vaguely referenced “logistical issues” and that a decision was yet to be made.