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  • Writer's pictureLouisville X-Press Staff

Karen Outraged by Number of Steps on Stairway to Heaven

A new arrival to the kingdom of heaven, Karen Sachs, immediately became outraged and demanded to speak to the manager when she approached the pearly gates and saw a staircase of "like thousands of stairs" with no other transportation options.

"Unbelievable!" She was said to be screaming between eye rolls and grunts.

When assured by staff as well as other new arrivals who had already begun the climb that their bodies were no longer corporeal and that the ascent was more like a gentle floating and not an arduous climb, she kept snapping at them to "shut up" until she spoke to the person in charge. "I didn't ask how easy you think it is, I want to know why there aren't other options, like a VIP elevator. This...this is just poor design. Even third-world countries have escalators."

She was reported to repeatedly keep waving her arms about in the direction of the stairs looking at others, apparently in search of someone who agreed with her stance. All other arrivals just seemed to be happy to be there at all.

She was last seen speaking to St. Peter who arrived to soothe the arrival of the timid, screaming "Someone here has made a serious mistake if you think I'm climbing those stairs."

St. Peter replied with a simple, stone-faced, "Oh, there's definitely been a mistake."

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