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  • Writer's pictureLouisville X-Press Staff

Geese Are in the Parking Lot Again

Updated: Aug 6, 2019

That time of year is here in Louisville again! No, it’s not the longer days, the stirrings of Derby time, or the occasionally warmer temperatures.

Nope, we’re competing with geese for parking spots.

“They’re back,” reports your nearest Target’s employee Tracy Roberts. “Really aggressive too, Dan tried to collect carts, but couldn’t even get near’em. I just wouldn’t.”

feathered demons in parking lot
Angry little shits are back

Your Kroger of choice has reported that approximately 25% of it’s parking lots have been taken over by the migrating waterfowl. They clarified that it’s a non-contiguous 25%, as that would make the situation much easier to deal with.

Finding parking spots in affected lots has taken 20-40% longer than normal as the Canadian avians are often hiding in spots which otherwise appeared available resulting in slow, awkward reversals. This coupled with so-called “Pacing Geese”, so named for their behavior of slowly and aimlessly waddling in and around traffic for the sole purpose of slowing down both vehicle and foot traffic.

The departure of a flock from any particular lot is rarely a cause for celebration as the geese often seem to operate in a strict rotation, leaving no lot unattended for more than a few hours.

The invasion is greeted with a more enthusiasm by children who can’t grasp the inconvenience. “Look at the big ducks mommy!” said one young passerby whose mother had to jerk the child close to her. “Stay close, those don’t ducks don’t feel like being friends right now,” as the wise parent understood the aggressive nesting behavior of these animals. Though it’s often noted there’s no nest or goslings anywhere in site, leading experts and store management to believe that these birds are just dicks.

Some see a bright side, however, as reported by McDonalds employee Jordan Smith. “I don’t really have to sweep the parking lot so much. They eat all the food people leave behind, and usually fly off with the garbage. They usually just drop it in the Wendy’s lot, but that ain’t my problem.”

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