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  • Louisville X-Press Staff

Career Site Lists All the Jobs You Don’t Qualify For

Updated: May 11, 2019

City Leaders have compiled and released a list of all the available jobs in and around Louisville, many of which are quite lucrative and none of which you qualify for.

The job postings cover a wide range of industries, none of which you have the required experience in, and require specific skill sets, none of which you possess.

The high paying jobs all offer great benefits ranging from affordable health insurance plans, company contributions to a 401(k) retirement plan, generous vacation packages to in-house child care. Unfortunately, due to your previous life choices, you just don’t have what these employers are looking for.

While many of the jobs are in posh office spaces in downtown Louisville, near cultural hot spots and desirable neighborhoods, some of the best positions are located just a couple miles from your residence, practically walking distance.

The HR Director of one of these highly stable and secure companies had this to say, “After reviewing your resume and after careful consideration, I’m afraid you just don’t possess the basic skills and minimum requirements we’re looking for. Good luck with your search.”

Another more sympathetic hiring manager had this to say, “I really wish there was something we could do, but…” It was noted that the manager never took their wincing eyes away from your resume during the exchange. He continued, “I’ve heard people with your background have had some luck looking through Craigslist. Good luck with your search.”

Most hiring managers we reached out did not respond at all to inquiries, and on-site observers confirmed seeing your resume in the trash bin of the manager’s office.

Reports of your resume being passed around the office amongst your would-be peers for a laugh have not been independently confirmed, though such reports are widespread.

Per the request of city leaders, we will not be publishing a link to the job postings in an effort to not waste any more of the decision makers time, but do wish you luck with your search.


Just not you

#onlythebest #goodluckwithyoursearch

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